Urban Musings

The heat has settled oppressively around the city.  I have been temporarily relocated to a much more urban environment for the last week and I find that the pace has gotten to me.  In the mornings I have been waking earlier.  The view from my room is harsh on the grit of the well worn buildings, the old industrial core wrapping its metal arms around the city's spires as if they will bring them tumbling down with a heavy hug.

There has been no rain, just the heavy drugged heat, full of the wet that lifts from the lake to drench me not just in sweat but in its humidity.  I am not tempted to find my way outside during the day.  It is far too easy to hide in the interior of the building with the artificial light and wait for the temperature to ease a bit as evening drags itself forward. 

At least on the days that I can.  Twice this week I have driven from neighborhood to neighborhood, circling for a place to put the car, feeling somewhat like a Tinker who could not find a place to put the wagon in the community that was not his own, that would never be his.  I marvel at the people who manuever so easily in the maze of streets.  The ones who so effortlessly slip in front of me to claim the parking space I have finally unearthed.  I am so awed by their apparent fit in the environment it does not occur to me to be upset that they have taken what I was seeking, I simply circle again and end up walking an extra 4 blocks to the meeting, the humidity pooling along my neck and dripping down my shoulder blades.  Have I mentioned yet that this is the Midwest? 

I go to a meeting where I have alotted an hour and a half.  I think this will give me plenty of time to drive 10 minutes and find parking for my meeting which is an hour after this alotted time.  Somehow the hour and a half extends and I find I have only 15 minutes to find the elusive spot.  In a series of miracles, I manage to get to the next appointment, park and arrive on time.  For this client I have arranged in advance to start on time.  They know I have a meeting in an hour.  Which is why, of couse we start 20 minutes late.  I break at my appointed time and call into my other meeting.    I stay on the phone for a few minutes and slip off, sending a text that I will join again shortly.  I go back to my clients to say my goodbyes.  I have to be someplace else in 20 minutes now.  They keep me there for another 15.  I text the client with whom I am supposed to be on a conference call.  I will be back shortly.  The heat has slipped into the air conditioned building now and I can feel myself melting into my shoes.  Finally I escape, make the call in the elevator and join.  I race to the car and juggle phone, bags, and notebook, scrambling to keep everything in forward motion.  It is already time for me to be at my next destination.

How did all my planning go so far awry?  On my way, I skim into lanes with haste.  I make sure only that I have enough room to slide in, as if it is my right of passage.  I turn on the last vestige of yellow and make my way through the next light just before it can blink to red.  Pulling in front of the building I see an open parking space and a slip into it without hesitation.  I end the call and get out of the car.  Looking up I see the startled face of someone I recognize.  It is me, the person who was driving earlier this afternoon, circling for her chance.  And I realize that perhaps the awe of fitting in is not quite what I should have been feeling.  Perhaps it should have been sympathy for the others who are running just as far behind in the heated haze of this rushing urban setting.

I must admit, I am glad that I will be happy to make the drive back tonight.  I am used to a fast paced life in terms of what I accomplish in a day at my desk.  I know that.  I think I have just discovered that I like it better when I live it in surroundings where I do not have to move as fast as I may have to think.

Here's to life with less traffic, a few less meetings and cooler climes........

Have an awesome weekend................................

Learning to Connect

Sometimes the people who are closest to each other can do the most harm.  When we let the petty anger stand in the way of the easy apology it can turn into burning resentment and from there it is a downward spiral.  You have to be very careful with the ones you love. 

Strange that we are so much better with those we do not know.  We manage ourselves better around them.  We pay attention to being polite.  We pay strict attention to the laws of basic behavior - even managing the basic concept of "I'm sorry" when we know we are clearly in the wrong.

Why is this so hard to do when we are with our loved ones?  Why do we find it so easy to dig in our heels and act like fools?  And why is it necessary for outside parties to slap us upside the head to point out that we are treating each other so horrible for us to see the damage we are doing?

When will we learn to be as considerate to each other at home as we would to the strangers on the street?

I watched last night as two people I love more than the universe and those that extend beyond it hit logger-heads.  Both stubbornly sticking with their anger.  Both drilling the holes so deep I thought our overly American dinner of mac'n'cheese would soon turn to a China buffet. 

In the end the only thing that broke the silence was their mutual tears.  They had made themselves miserable by making each other miserable.  They were not hurting because of their own anger.  They were hurting because they had hurt each other.  Yet neither knew how to start repairing the damage that their arugment had caused.

What is was so confounding is that the argurment could easily have been avoided by a few simple sentences.  If one had simply explained why they were delaying the requested action or the other had asked why the delay was occuring - it would all have been diffused. 

Why was the delay in action happening you might ask?  Because one was taking time to let a friend know that they would be delayed in getting back to them because they had family things they needed to tend to.

Really - it was that simple.  I suspect had the person requesting the action known that this was what was occuring they would have been happy to wait the additional five minutes for the internet connection to be established and the message to be sent.

They are, afterall, sticklers for politeness.  Which is why they got upset in the first place.

Such is life.  We take for granted that those we love will give us the most latitude and in doing so we tend to lose the most connection - in that we forget to actually make the connections to begin with.