On Letting Go

Spent sometime today on the email train with a friend of mine. We were "chatting" about when it is time to let the people you love go in your life. Times similar to when parents send their kids away to school or help them move out of the house for the first time. It got me to thinking about what it takes to be able to do this genuinely and without fear. (Not that a parent doesn't worry. They are always likely to do that. Rather, that they do not fear what the future holds, a thin line of difference, but an important one.)

I think there are two very essential elements involved in setting the people you love free to follow their muses. First, real and abiding love. The kind of love that is transcendent. You must be able to love beyond yourself. You must love that person enough to want what is best for them - above and beyond your own desires and needs. Trust me when I tell you that this is not easy. Letting go of people you love can be extremely difficult, even when you believe with all that you are that it is best for them. It feels like you are dangling on a razor thin cord above an endless abyss with no ground in sight. The ground is there though and your ability to love provides you what you need to reel yourself in. It may not be fun, but you can do it.

Second, you must have complete trust in that person. You must trust that they know who they are. And you must trust that they will be fine on their own. Of course, there will likely be a part of you that wants them to need you, but strive to conquer this. You won't be able to let go until you believe that they do not need you. Here again, this will not be easy, you will really need them to need you. It is a part of loving that just creeps in and lingers. But letting go includes letting go of this essential part as well. Breathe deeply and just believe in this person with everything that you are. Then open your eyes. You will be fine and they will be even better than that.

If by now you have set them on their path you can enjoy watching them rise to the occasion. And they will. Everything that you have seen in them that makes you smile, all the moments that made you bubble with pride, they will come again and again, as you watch them bloom. It may not be with you, but they will bloom.

Of course, you should think about blooming yourself. If they love you in some measure, they are likely to look up at some point and will want to see you thriving as well. How you do this may seem unclear as you gaze through this haze of letting go. Yet I believe that the person who is strong enough to love this fully will be strong enough to find a way.

Of course, this could just be wishful thinking as I stand here gazing into the haze of my own life and seeing the next set of clouds form on the not so distant horizon.