My oh my what a day it has been. I think I woke up with a bad case of crank-itis - and it just built up over the course of the day.
I just can't seem to let the steam out . It is a very good thing that the person that managed to get me the most riled up has exited the building. I really do not need to be any more of an Ass than I already have been today.
Have you ever had one of those days - when you knew you were on an emotional bender - just careening out of control - but no way to reel it back in? - Yep - that was today - I should have stayed home. And I may well do exactly that tomorrow - just isn't worth coming in and mucking up stuff - I can stay home and be a B*%$# all by myself - then I am the only one who needs to know I have lost it.
I hate knowing I have dumped on other people's day. It makes me feel even worse than the bottled up anger does. I want to apologize for being pissed before I even let anyone know that I am (pissed that is). It doesn't really matter that I might justifiably have a reason to be angry. There is really no good reason to dump that in another person's day. You have no clue if there was intent - and without intent - well the anger has no foundation. It makes the driving act more accidental than anything else. I guess you can be mad that the person did whatever it was - but we all make mistakes and it seems pretty judgemental to hold on to a ripping mad if they really did not intend to get you there.
So all in all it deflates the anger when you take the time to ask. Especially since you usually find that they had no clue. And "Clueless" usually just makes me laugh.
But today - I just reacted and let it rip - and not even on the person who had stepped up and whacked me upside the head (figuratively). I had to apologize to the two people who had to listen to my rant - I felt like such a witchy heel for putting them in the path. I did let the person who is likely to hear of my bad behavior know about it - Not a good idea for them to be blindsided - and I guess we can talk about it later - though I suspect it will be a couple of weeks before we land in the office together again given travel schedules - and by then - the only person who will care will be me.
One because I behaved so badly and two because I still don't know the nature of the intent of the action that spurred it all to begin with. I guess, given how guilty I feel for behaving like a raving old crone - that I have not much choice other than to eat it - and like it at this juncture.
And - since anger hurts the angry - I had best figure out how to do that without holding on to any steam. That might prove more difficult as I appear to be carrying my cranky self around with me like a bowl of spoiled milk. Just have to find a place to dispose of it and I will be fine -
Yep, a good metal sink, some hot water, maybe a little lemon juice or scented soap - and out it goes. I am going to rinse that anger right out of my head.
A little South Pacific anyone?...........................
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