Buenos Nachos

This has been a pretty fast year all told -

I have been to TX a couple of times, to PA, to IL, to FL, to GA, to TN and to Argentina...........I am definitely working the frequent flyer miles.  And somewhere in between I am working on finding the pieces of me that I have lost over the last few years.

I guess I started this blog in the hopes that I would be able to work my way around - and if not all the way around,  at least work out enough of the kinks that I could move on without gasping for air.
I have spent part of the time spinning in place, letting the gravity of the empty spots inside prevent me from moving - even sliding backward.  Then somehow I found the grace to start forward and along that path I have zigged and zagged, often fallen -( fallen quite far at times )- only to find myself trapped behind walls I have had no idea how to break through.  And at times, feeling as if the path that seemed to be "forward" was nothing more than a giant circle, a never ending pathway to my personal pit of despair.

Yet today, as I write, feeling fairly melancholy, the one thing that I know is true, is that I have definitely moved forward.  And I have started to collect the parts of me that I lost along the way, at least some of the parts of me that make me feel whole.  I kind of wish I had taken this journey years ago, when youth could have added to my capacity to rebound.  But I suspect I would not have appreciated the value of the lessons learned at that point.

There is it seems gold buried beneath that pile of rock and sludge (and possibly scat from various animals that do not bear thinking about). 

Or perhaps a better metaphor for me would be that under the jalapenos there could actually be a plate of really good nachos - It does however take getting over your distaste and your fear of the burn of those peppers. 

Not everything in life presents itself as a great idea when you see it.  Somethings have to be tried.  And not everything you try will be great idea.  There are somethings that you learn to make great by finding the balance that works for you.  In my case, with the nachos, I can get to Damn Good Nachos - but I have to start by leaving the jalapenos a the store - You see I can pick around the sides and dig way down under on a plate that has been tainted with jalapenos- but I cannot handle the flavor of a jalapeno infected nacho - Just not for me.  But I know that now - as I have tried it - full on pepper and post-pepper removal. 

I guess that is part of finding yourself.  We spend a great deal of our lives accomodatig others.  I think this is a good thing.  It really doesn't hurt to see a movie that is not really your thing if it means you get to be with the whole family for the evening - just not that big a give.  But, it is also not that hard to  make a plate with and one without the jalapenos if you are baking up your dishes for a group event.  And it doesn't hurt anyone for you to eat from the plate you prefer.   It just takes having the knowledge of what you like and the gumption to pursue it.

I know this sounds pretty trivial - but I think you can read beyond the cheese and peppers and get to the point I am trying to make.  You really can't move forward when you lose who you are (and it happens) - until you take the time to figure out who you have become - (not who you want to be) and then start living in that skin. It is not an easy process - and along the way you can expect to have your fair share of burnt pallettes - (jalapeno's are not the only pepper that can take you down that road).

So to all of us who are on that road -

Buenos Nachos...........