There is this song by Martina McBride, it begins with a great visual image
My right hand holds matches, my left holds my past.
I hope the wind catches and burns it down fast.
I'm going to step into the fire with my failures and my shame
and wave goodbye to yesterday as I dance among the flames
So don't try to save me now
Let the walls of my world all burn down
Just stand back and wait til the smoke finally passes
and I will rise from the Ashes
I think of this Phoenix image and it burns so brightly, but oh so very sadly. There are times indeed when I would stand in the path of these sparks. But I know how much I would regret burning those bridges that connect me to the roots of who I am. And when I look at yesterday, and at my failures I realize I am not truly ashamed of anything. Everything I am has come through all of those experiences. Even those actions that I would never repeat again. The sum and total of who I am streams from all of this. If I were to burn it all away, cleanse myself completely - what then would be left to constitute me?
I do not need to cling to those aspects of the past that have given me lessons through negative experience. I can simply learn from these lessons and move on. But would I want to expell them in a flash of fire? No, I need the strength, the support to the core of my integrity that each experience has added over time. And I would not want to burn away the joys for they inspire me daily. They remind me of the light and help guide me when I feel shrouded in darkness.
My right hand holds the earth, my left seeks my path
I hope the wind rises and sweeps me in its grasp
I'm going to step into the mael-stream with my future rest assured
And wave hello to yesterday as I dance among the clouds
So don't try to slow me down
Just watch me turn and twirl around
Just stand back and wait til the Wind finally lapses
And I will rise full and content
At least for the moment
Funny how I was just thinking about this. Really. Have you seen the movie "Magnolia?" There's a quoute from it that goes something like this, "You may be done with the past, but the past isn't done with you." Previously I had thought that was an ominous and not good thing. Lately I see that it isn't always bad. The past can rise up and present something you thought you might have lost, and also offer greater insight toward where you need to go forward. It bears examining... RJ
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