I believe there are times when we simply choose to regret too much. Awhile ago, when I was facing a significant illness in my immediate family, one of my mentors told me to "live with no regrets." At that moment the advice seemed crystal clear. And in fact, it made making decisions during that time much easier. I did not hesitate to do what I thought would bring me closer to living a life with no regrets, particularly when it came to this person I loved so much, who was in fact so ill.
Why is it so much easier to live life with this focus when we have an immediate concern on our minds? And why is it so much harder to do this when everything is running at a steady and methodical pace? I like to believe that I am practical or pragmatic enough to know that there will always be decisions that we question later. Did we say the right thing in any particular moment? Did we make the best choice? Did we turn down the path that would lead us to the greatest harmony? Have we helped as much as we could, or as often? Yet in each of these there lies a simple inherent flaw - the concept of regret. If we make our choices out of our center; if we are conscious of what we believe are the potential consequences; moreover, if we are conscious of what we do not know and accept that we cannot predict all of the outcomes, but are willing to accept the outcome we are indeed choosing - why then would we second guess the decisions we make? Why is there room for regret?
Is it that we often make our decisions with out such deliberation? Are we just moving through patterns of behaviour, without considering breaking our personal molds? Is this what gives us pause? Have we become so pre-conditioned to our concept of ourselves and how we expect we will react that our actions are predetermined? And is it this that gives us cause for regret?
Or is it the occasional bout of spontaneity that makes us uncomfortable, and is it here that we question ourselves? When we act freely, moving directly from the center of who we are and simply express that inner person - is it then that we step back and question and indeed possibly regret having shown the world too much about ourselves?
Of course there are times where regret stems simply from the unintended consequences of an action. (Where those consequences impair others in truly negative ways, or in a less selfless environment where they impact the self negatively.) I suppose those moments will always yield regret. But should they? Would it not be better if they yielded a charge to action? A need not to regret, but to change; to change to the extent possible that negative result. And where this is not possible, to learn from that moment and to grow internally so that avoiding such unintended consequences in the future is ingrained in your decision making in the future? What is there truly to regret in having learned to be a better person?
There really is something in old cliches. And the one about spilled milk, well, it does say alot. The best we can do is clean up after ourselves, and learn from that moment and hopefully avoid the waste, and any breaking of the pitcher in the future.
So, back to point. To live a life without regret - that is not an easy task. It requires a great deal of conscious living, a strong dose of humility and the recognition that failing is not truly the measuring rod. It is in the art of getting up that we find our measure of grace.
Here's to living with our eyes, our hearts and our spirits wide open.
May the road rise up to greet you
and the wind be always at your back.
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