Full Tilt Slam

So my son said to me the other night that he did not want to have a job like mine. Wow - talk about the full tilt slam.  Up against the face - hello and what do I do with that comment? No reply works - no matter which way I go - I am either judging him or I am edgy about myself - its a no win reply on my part.  So I just sipped my wine and continued chopping the veggies.  Sometimes if you let the silence linger it gets filled in on its own. - Luckily he had more on his mind - so this time it worked.

He did not want to work 10-12 hour days and then on the weekends doing something he did not even like.

That comment really brought me up short. 

You see, I had not realized that I did not like my job.  The funny thing is - the more I thought about what he had to say - the more I sort of had to agree with him.

Only there are a few subtle differences.  It is not the job I do not like.  It is the pace of the job. 

I still very much enjoy what I do.  I even enjoy working with the people I work with (most of them and almost all the time too).  I have just gotten tired of the full out run that it takes to get this job done.

But here is the hard part.  I don't know how to slow down. 

Doesn't that sound ridiculous?  I should know how.  I look around me and I can see plenty of people who seem to have the knack for doing it. - Yet here I am kicking it pell-mell, feeling like hell while I am doing it, and not having the faintest clue how to put the brakes on.

Maybe I am just hoping I will run out of gas?  And of course, that is precisely what I am most afraid I will do.  What happens if I do run out of gas? I actually don't know if I could handle doing ......nothing.

I think I could handle going a bit slower - just not crawling or stopping.

I guess I am not destined to be a straight 7 hour a day kind of gal - or even a 5 day a week worker.  But I think I could easily get used to 50-60 hour work weeks. 

My son it seems has figured out that he can handle the 50-60 hour work week.  Its not the work part that is an issue - he doesn't mind that - its the Lack of Life part that he thinks would be a problem for him.  He wants to continue to expand his culinary skills (Amen to that - as long as I can get a seat at the table every now and then) and he wants to try other new things.  He doesn't want to get stuck in a rut where he stops growing.

OMG - For just a moment there he sounded very much like me. Or the me I can be when I have more time and my growing is not limited to the books I consume in between sleeping and working. 

(Incidentally it is Wednesday at 4:06 pm and I am now on book 4 for the week - if you start the count from Sunday a.m. - I would only be on number 3 but the boy who doesn't want to have a job like mine did want to read the last book I started so I plowed through Revenge of the Dwarves in 2 days so he would have it before he ran out of Jordan books) - And now you know my hidden secret - I am a Bookaholic.

In any event - I think perhaps my son has gotten it only partially right - I do not like the pace of my job -

I love my job

I just want to love my life too

I think a full tilt slam may have been part of what I needed.  Now I just need a great book on building brakes at work...............