I have spent so much time alone in the last couple of days. It is amazing how little I note the time that I spend by myself. Yet truth be told, I spend quite a bit on my own. With the boys grown, they come and go - birds on the wing so to speak. I can never really know for certain when they will light upon the doorstep and stay for a few hours, days or minutes. I travel quite often, and in this, I am never quite alone, and yet am almost always alone. I do not frequently travel directly with anyone. Though I usually meet quite a few people along the way. That is, perhaps, one of the most enjoyable aspects of traveling. Yet I am in truth alone. Responsible always for myself. Contained entirely, neatly within my personal package.
I drove yesterday - from noon to after midnight, listening to a book on CD, watching the mountains turn to cities, than to farm fields and then to small rural towns and back finally to cities again. I found the silence in my head very soothing. Typically there is a lot of chatter going on upstairs. The narrator took up the space, leaving my thoughts no room to interrupt. It was extremely pleasant. If you ever need a vacation from yourself, I highly recommend this therapy. You will be tired, but you will not be stressed at the end of the drive. Your mind is just emptied of everything but the story. Though I should note that is very important to A) pick a good author and B) make sure the narrator has a voice you can listen to for 12-14 hours.
In any event, my drive was fairly uneventful. I noted that there are quite a lot of white and off-white or silver cars on the road now. That many of the newer cars are in bright colors. That truckers still drive as if they are the only vehicles on the road for the most part. And that it is a pain to drive in the rain through construction - which of course is everywhere this time of year. But other than this what I noted most, is that I felt sort of calm and numb. The emptiness was very soothing.
As I pulled into the driveway I sort of felt a bit of regret. The book was not yet over, but my drive was. I felt as if the trip should have continued until the book wrapped up. That somehow it should have timed itself for my delivery home - like a well made movie - delivering me to my doorstep for the final shot. Instead, I drove to work today in the melancholy afterglow of the book as it continued, reminding me that there was a road out there somewhere that would lead me away from the mountain of work that waited for me and the hours upon hours I would spend at my desk for the next several weeks.
I have another CD to go before the book is over - so I will be continously reminded of the open space and the hum of the engine and the sweet release of nothing more than road in front of me until the book comes to its conclusion. I thought perhaps I should let it go. But then, I always finish a book once I have started it. And of course - being tantalized each morning and each night is not such a bad thing afterall - it can remind me that there is a light at the end of busy season -
And there is - as I will be taking the same drive fairly soon after the buttons are pressed. - Odd the way the world works - wrapping itself back around?
My what wonderful webs we weave - when it is ourselves we choose to decieve..............
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