So a funny thing happened the other day.
I was peacefully minding my own business, just enjoying the view from the balcony of the hotel room I had just checked into. It was really quite lovely, a small lake (man made obviously as it had a couple of rather beautifully lit fountains springing up in random colors), surrounded by the golf course that ringed its edges and highlighted by the husky depths of shade that the moonlight cast upon the water. I must say that I really enjoyed the view. I probably would still have fond memories of that view had I not turned around to discover that I was locked out on the balcony with nothing but my empty bottle of beer.
I can only assume that you have canoodled my conumdrum given that I have mentioned that I was enjoying the view from my balcony. It is not like I was locked out on a patio. I was indeed locked out on a small space suspended many (many) feet in the air, below which was indeed patio graced rooms and the lawn which had moments ago been such a nice feature - what with the walking path that ran through it so conveniently located just beneath my window - within a stone's drop.
As my phone was sitting with everything else on the desk in the room, I had very few options. As I saw them I had specifically three.
One, I could stand out there and wait until someone came down the path and wave and scream until I got their attention and hope that they would fetch security to rescue me. I could also hope that this would not prove to be anyone I knew, as the purpose of my visit to this establishment was grounded in visiting with quite a lot of folk that I did indeed know, this did not seem likely. Further, I had retired rather early for my group, so I anticipated I would be out there quite some time, beer-less. Not good.
Two, I could try to sleep in one of the un-padded iron chairs on the balcony with the mosquitos enjoying their late night snack (me) and hope that in the morning I could catch a staff person making some sort of rounds and that I would be rescured in time to make my duly required meetings, etc.
Each of these required someone on that path helping. One required a painful night and no guaranty of morning rescure, let alone timely rescue. I was not fond of either option.
Three, I could climb over the barrier between the balcony units and try to find someone at home and ask for help. This seemed reasonable enough. I opted of course for three as it had the great value of providing immediate action and potentially more immediate relief.
The unit to the right yielded no one at home. I could not go further because this ended in a drop down to a ledge about 2 foot wide and five foot across before another balcony was available. This not seeming like a great idea, I went back over and tried going left.
Hmmmmmmm. No one home at door number two. Up and over again to the left and no one home at door number three. Which brought me to.........yep.........another ledge. However this time I could actually see a TV flickering in the room beyond the ledge. So I was back to option number two above or the ledge.
I choose the ledge. Over the rail I went, holding on to the rail with one hand and balancing against the building with the other as I stepped down the two feet to get a foot hold on the ledge. Then I walked over as calm as I pleased (or as I could) and pulled myself up and over onto the balcony. Praying that the TV was not a trick to make housekeeping think someone was there I turned my back to the room (just in case privacy was required) and knocked with the back of my hand. It took a couple of tries but finally the person inside figured out where the sound was coming from. Curiousity one out over safety and they answered the balcony door.
I was a bit shocked (completely ashamed) to discover that the door I had knocked on belonged to a VIP member of my group - but well hell by then I just wanted off the damn balcony. They let me call security and I scrammed out of the room as fast as I could. I called later to thank them for the rescue and thought - well Thank Goodness That's Over.
Some thoughts just get you in more trouble.
The next day I had a call that took me well past time to enjoy the group lunch - which was laid out quite fantastically beneath my balcony along the walkway and shore of the lake. I decided that I would use my rental car and drive out to get a bite before the next appointment and began to look for the keys as the last call was wrapping up. They were not in my bag. They were not in my jacket. They were not in my folder. They were not on the floor. They were not in the hotel room anywhere. They were not on the way to the car. They could not be in the car because the car was locked and I would have needed the keys to lock the car. Which only meant one thing...................
They had to have been in the pocket of my jacket when I went on my ninja balcony adventure the night before. OMG....................Back to the room and back to the balcony - where I discover much to my chagrin that they are still breaking down from the luncheon. I check my watch. If I am to have any chance of getting out to get something to eat I have to find the keys in the next 15 minutes. I have not eaten breakfast and I did not eat dinner the night before. This is a time for action.
I poise myself at the edge of the balcony to the left and wait until the two gentlemen are turned away and make a quick leap over to the next one (almost landing on one of their iron chairs). I stroll over to the far left corner of this balcony and try to nonchalantly take up the same pose I had before, hoping they won't notice I have changed locations. One glances up but seems disinterested and moves on, as do I. I am up and over and onto the next balcony in a flash. I rush over to look at the ledge, and of course, there they are - the keys - right next to the balcony of my rescuer - just sitting there as if they did not belong in my pocket. I pause, look to see if anyone is checking out my cat-burglar cum-ninja act and see no-one looking my way and go over the side again - this time in bare feet. I get the keys and discover that getting back on that balcony is much harder than coming down to the ledge. I press onward and get a bit of a sliver in my toe for my efforts but manage to get onto the balcony without either being seen or falling off. I think the latter is the greater achievement at this point but was rather proud of the former at the time. I make the two successive leaps and then smile like an idiot at one of the workers before I disappear into my room to get the sliver out.
And so I can say with all confidence my friends that I have indeed learned that it is a long way from here to there and sometimes it is even longer to get back again........................
Practice your ninja skills on the ground..................
Rock Steady
R
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