Silence is often a blessing. Many times it is absolutely the right answer. There are times when people tell each other too much. Information overload. I am certain we have all been in positions where we have been told things we would rather not know. This may have been from a friend or about a friend and it leaves us with information we could have done quite well without. There are also times when we ( I know I have) have shared information that our friends would prefer to have not heard. In this case silence may well indeed be golden - but often there are reasons why people speak out - and in the end the information does come forth.
In either of these moments it leaves both the person sharing and the person receiving at distinct disadvantages. Obviously the person sharing probably needs to hear something from you. Even if it is nothing more than a confirmation that they have been heard. And the receiver most likely would prefer to ignore the information and slide past it. It is in these precise moments that Silence is Not Golden.
No matter how difficult it may be respond to the person delivering the unwelcome information, you do need to respond. Even if all you do is confirm what you have heard. If they are talking about another friend, you may just want to let them know that you hear them, but would prefer not to get any more information of that nature. More often than not it is personal to them. This may make it trickier and harder to handle, but you can still get there. Let them know you have heard them and then essentially tell them the same thing. Let them know that it is not a topic that you are into or comfortable with and shut it down.
Far better for the person sharing to know that they have crossed a comfort zone with you than for them to believe that you either a) simply did not listen or b) did not care. And if the latter is true, it is stilll better to tell them straight up, it will only improve how they handle things going forward and simplify your life greatly at the same time.
People do not always hear what they want to, and it is not up to you to tell them what they want to hear. It is also not up to you to listen to things you would prefer not to. But being silent when confronted with information overload will only entice more to come, or cause additional strain on those who are confiding in you. Either way one or both of you are losing.
Silence can be golden - but I find that is usually in solitude, with sunsets and sunrises, not in regard to friends and relationships. At least, that's my point of view - what's yours?
''Words like violence...'' (Enjoy the Silence)...the problem is that words may be needed...at times...To quote a simple man whom I once knew, ''You little mute! How am I supposed to know what you want if you never speak?'' Eventually, there are moments of silence when words become meaningless (no longer bear any linguistic sense, and no longer are of any importance)...The trick is to know which moment is which.
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ReplyDeleteWords are used to communicate. But silence is communication too. What about those times when the best response is a non-response? In my experience, people usually talk when they have something to say. And if they don’t say it, then it might not have been worth saying in the first place. Or, they don’t say something because they are scared of being hurt or scared of hurting the person receiving the message. That’s okay too. In those situations, silence is golden. I try to follow the Gandhi line when I decide to talk about something: 1) It is true? 2) Is it necessary? 3) Is it kind? If the answer is no to any of those three, it shouldn’t be said and the "golden silence" rule should be applied.
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